1 There is a time for everything,
       and a season for every activity under heaven:

 2 a time to be born and a time to die,
       a time to plant and a time to uproot,

 3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
       a time to tear down and a time to build,

 4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
       a time to mourn and a time to dance,

 5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
       a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

 6 a time to search and a time to give up,
       a time to keep and a time to throw away,

 7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
       a time to be silent and a time to speak,

 8 a time to love and a time to hate,
       a time for war and a time for peace.

As I sit here contemplating the events of the last few days, the truth of this passage from Ecclesiastes really stands out.  

I think of my youngest niece, so youthful, innocent and brimming with beauty.  It seems like just the other day she was born and closer yet the days I would wrap her up in my arms and fly her around the backyard as if she was a bird soaring high above it all.  Or even last year when we looked up gross youtube videos about tonsil stones (ewww!).  Yesterday, she definitely gave me the first memory I will have of her growing into womanhood as she was brimming with excitement about her first High School Homecoming dance!  She looked like a model.  It was hard to imagine that she too will encounter some heartaches along life's paths of uncertainty.

I think of my friends struggling to conceive yet there are people out there killing the children the Lord has blessed them with or who can't provide properly for them.  It doesn't add up.  It doesn't make sense.  It is what it is I suppose.  I do rejoice today as I found out one of these couples is in fact pregnant after several rounds of IVF treatments.  Mixed with that joy are tears upon the realization that one of my friend's is in Crisis mode not knowing if her mother will make it through the night after what should have been a fatal heart attack has left her mom in a coma. 

Yes, I'm certainly faced with the fact that there is a season for everything.  Some seasons we look forward to more than others but we always know that there, indeed, will always be a new one around the corner.  As I read through these verses, my own journey comes to mind:

I was born in a cold December blizzard, I nearly died the Summer of 2007
I have strived to make a good community around me, but I've also ventured out and tried to change things up elsewhere...learning that 'wherever you go there you are'

I've seen the life drain out God's creation, and I've experienced a peace that surpasses all understanding
I've torn down walls but unfortunately those are the ones I seem to have rebuilt

I've cried more times than I can count these last several years and I'm surely ready to laugh again
I've had to mourn a relationship that I thought was my til' death do us part
and I've danced though it's been around issues I should face

I've thrown stones and I've certainly gathered those that have been thrown my direction, carrying a load to heavy to bare
I've embraced many times though some things I should have not held so tightly to
I've refrained though at times I should stood up for truth no matter the cost

Searching...this has been my full time job as of late but it's hard to know WHEN to give up
I've been silent though I should not have been...I need to stand up for what I believe in like I use to

I've loved though at times it has turned sour and those same 'feelings' turn into anger and hate

I'm done being at war and am now seeking balance.

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.” ~Miss Piggy

The concept of beauty has been ever on my mind the last few months.  I would imagine that if I were to poll a group of folks they would all have something slightly different to say.  I've thought a lot about this in regards to finding the love of your life since I've been on the journey for umpteenth years!  What causes two people to mutually fall in love?  What makes a man decide that a woman is special enough that he can't let her go?  I long to be that for someone some day and to have that in return.  To find the one person God has designed for me exclusively to share forever with...though my forever is getting a bit small at this point!

Obviously, the world says beauty is many things...physical appearance being at the center of most of that.  I've certainly bought into this image over the years.  Specifically where it comes to my weight.  I struggled with my appearance briefly in elementary school but did okay the rest of my schooling.  Then the freshmen 15 hit in College and then by my mid 20s my thyroid broke though I didn't find out until my early 30s.  This dramatically changed my appearance.  My weight served me for awhile, kept me hidden.  I ended up going back on an eating program in August  that cost lots of $ (knowing it had failed for me before and contributed to my kidney stone issues) and it gave little results AGAIN.  I was on so many herbs and supplements they were their own meal!  I did it, I bought into a quick fix and the promises of new options opening up to me romantically and job wise if I could just get a handle on food.  The reality is I don't struggle with food!  Well, I have my weaknesses but this is what the world says.  It spouts that people who are overweight are there by poor choices, overeating, etc.  What society needs to wrap their arms around is that obesity is full of many factors and we can't cure one piece without looking at the whole of a person.  I'm now meeting with a nutritionist (again, *Cha Ching* a bunch of $) but she is helping to educate me on food/nutrients and getting my adrenal/endocrine issues under control.  This should really help heal the internal reasons I'm fat but at the same time keep me accountable to understand food as energy and not just pleasure.

The word of God has a different take on beauty that I would like to close out with:

1 Timothy 4:8

1 Peter 3:3-4

Proverbs 31:3

Psalm 139:14

To Ponder:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Used by Nelson Mandela in his 1994 inaugural speech

One must not lose desires. They are mighty stimulants to creativeness, to love, and to long life.

Alexander A. Bogomoletz