Not that anyone reads this really...but let me start by saying sorry for not writing in over a year!  I guess that with some of the deep thoughts I've had lately and the sunshine coming to warm my soul, I've caught the bug to write down my thoughts again.  

My bible study has been reading a book my Joyce Meyers called 'Battlefield of the Mind'.  I've definitely felt convicted by the topics though I'm not sure I like her style (it's hard to compare with us Beth Moore devotees!).  I wasn't sure that I had any one thing that I was taking away, other then the reminder that I have a lot of wilderness thinking that is holding me back.  However, I have been pondering the thought of idleness of the mind (or passivity as Meyers calls it) which I realize now was discussed in the book.   Funny how that happens!  Basically, it's a foothold for the enemy to fill those empty spots to keep us from a full life in Christ.  Satan places his thoughts into our empty ones so then it gets confusing because we mistake them for our own.

So, the question I ponder is how to stop this....well that seems simple enough right?  JUST DO SOMETHING!  In some ways, this is not as simple as it seems.  Per Meyers, "When a believer is inactive in any area in which he has capability or talent, that particular area begins to atrophy or become immobilized.  The longer he does nothing, the less he wants to do anything."   WHOA!  This is exactly in words what I've been feeling for quite some time.  

I know how I got here.  Disappointment.  Fear.  No Community.  Fear of Failure.  Fear plain and simple.  Losing Focus.  Silence from God.  Envy.  Burnt out.  Thinking I know best.  And the list goes on.  I've basically, in some ways, become the Christian I never intended to be...the one who lost their Zeal.  the one who allowed the voice of the world to drown out that of her God.  the one who might look so well put together on the outside but is crying on the inside.  the one who starts to believe that God no longer has a good and perfect plan for her life.  Yes, this is me.

Thankfully, I don't have to stay here.  So, join me on this journey to finding out what's next.  Hold me accountable to committing to something more fulfilling then watching tv and playing on the computer.

Lastly, in some more deep words from Meyers, "If you desire victory over your problems, if you truly want to live the resurrection life, you must have a backbone and not just a wishbone!  You must be active - not passive.  Right action begins with right thinking."