What's in a dream?
They say dreams are the windows of the soul--take a peek and you can see the inner workings, the nuts and bolts. - Henry Bromel, Northern Exposure, The Big Kiss, 1991
The aim of life is self-development. To realize one's nature perfectly - that is what each of us is here for. - Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
The other night I had a strange dream that I lost my purse...I know what you're thinking - where the heck could Raini be going with this? Just bear with me for a moment. So, I was out at some event with my friends and everyone just piled all their belongings on top of one another. When the event ended, I couldn't find my purse. I kept recalling what it looked like to those aiding me in my search and I was adament about those details. We searched and searched for this VERY specific purse and nothing...until someone brought me a totally different purse than the one I had been describing. Then it dawned on me that, oh yeah, this one WAS mine afterall!
The thing is that it really stood out to me and bugged me SO MUCH that I decided to google it to see if any of the dream interpretations resonated with my life to date. Sure enough one stood out perfectly suggesting that such a dream could mean that one may have lost touch with their real identity. DING DING DING
A few days passed as I chewed on this concept of loss of identity...what could God be teaching me? was I reading too much into this? or did I just simply need a new purse?
This loss of identity happens gradually over time as dreams are lost, hope seems distant, needy people drain us, etc. I think this really began for me in my mid twenties when I thought I had met the love of my life and was on a journey towards a lifetime with him only to see that crushed. From there, I think I felt lost...more failures (or atleast feeling as such) followed.
So, this subject of 'identity' was really worth exploring. Ironically, on mother's day I received several boxes from my parents full of childhood memories...my first papers, grades, journals, books, love notes, etc. The first few things I pulled out? Letters from old boyfriends and a few of my older journals (think late jr. high through HS). I laughed, I cried and I reminisced on the few items I've opened so far.
Needless to say, I feel a little closer to the 'child' in me...maybe these boxes came at just the right time - the Lord must be getting ready to do a new work in me?
2 comments:
I can really identify with the idea of losing your identity. I feel that way too. I've accomplished a huge of goal of finishing school. I'm married and I love my husband. But I'm still at that place of asking, ‘who am I?’ I'm not just an audiologist or a wife or a sister or a daughter etc. I'm a person with dreams even beyond those roles. But I do not know what those dreams are . . . yet. Thanks Raini for stirring that in me. You are an inspiration
It's so easy to lose a sense of 'self'. Most of us raised to believe that sacrifice of ourSELVES (especially women!) is what the creator intended. I believe the opposite.We cannot fully love someone,honor our creator,or inspire a child without first taking care of our hopes and dreams. Carry a big purse and fill it up with dreams.
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